She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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