my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
