If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
