o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize