My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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