I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
