using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
