I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
