I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
