Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
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I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
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There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
My vagina just clenched in fear
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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