Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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