I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
