I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
