Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
You smell like a Billy Joel song
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
