In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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