So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
It was confusing and full of hummus
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Boobs are out for the taking
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
