You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
