I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
