He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
pray to the hookup gods
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
