he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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