my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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