god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
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one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
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And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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