I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Dick very happy bro
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
