I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
