Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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