I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
