it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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