sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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