Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
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Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
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I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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