Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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