She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
