tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
