Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
