You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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