We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize