all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
