i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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