Where did you get a picture of my penis
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
