I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You've changed since you got that strap on
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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