the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
