You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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