I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I will be naked everywhere
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
