his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
