I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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