I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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