I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
