i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
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