I wannas sexs uuuuu
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
