Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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