I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
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