I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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