DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
