chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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