I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
