Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
