8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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