Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
