So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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